Written by Samantha Feast
Certified Matrescence Coach & Founder of The Magic of Matrescence.
For years after becoming a Mother, I carried a knowing that something was still off.
From my deeply challenging postpartum, I had dived into understanding the concept of Matrescence, our modern World around this concept and had moved through many layers of conditioning that had led me to self-abandon again and again. I now rested when I could, tried meditation apps, breathed deeply, read the books and invested in coaching. ALL of these helped. But I still felt incredibly different.
The lights were always too bright, and the ‘normal’ noise of children and life was too loud. The constant demands of Motherhood left me exhausted in a way that sleep never fixed. I loved my children fiercely, but often felt overwhelmed simply existing in life around them.
Like many Mothers I assumed this was postpartum, or the lingering effects of severe postpartum depletion and with the physiological brain changes that are now being confirmed by science, which every Mother experiences through their Matrescence journey. Then I thought I was going through burnout, since I had returned to the clinical workplace. Or maybe I was now experiencing anxiety, or maybe I just wasn’t a natural mother like I had thought, and I should try harder.
It was when I reached out to a perinatal psychologist that a new possibility emerged:
What if Motherhood hadn’t ‘broken’ my ability to cope but instead removed my ability to mask?
After the birth of my children, traits that in hindsight I could see had always been present became impossible to ignore. I noticed I could pick up on the smallest changes in my children’s moods, I could sense tension in a room immediately, and my social battery felt nearly constantly flat. The energy required to be polite, to perform, to remain at least outwardly comfortable in places where I didn’t feel emotionally or mentally safe, became impossible to sustain.
I desperately needed routine to function, and could see the positive effect of these routines in my children’s behaviour and growth. But I simultaneously felt trapped by the predictability of daily motherhood. I craved structure whilst grieving the freedoms I had once known.
And maybe most confusing for me at the time was that many of the self-regulation practices taught to me through my investment into life coaching and personal growth didn’t seem to work! Meditation left me more frustrated, and while one deep breath often helped, breathwork sequences rarely brought any calm to my mind or body.
Instead what I began and continue to cultivate in my Matrescence and Neurodiverse being is my own internal and maternal Authority.
I found regulation in movement, nothing fancy, just what feels good in my body. Rocking, swaying, rotating, while listening to music or guided meditations, being selective on the tone, frequency and sound levels. Coming back into my body is the only way I have been able to regulate and quieten my brilliant mind for a moment. Landing barefoot on the earth, hopefully in some sunshine, is the kind of sensory experience my body needs daily. Curating sensory experiences that hold my nervous system in a level of safety that allows it to settle is a daily priority for me now.
That and regular time away from my children. I have healed through many layers of shame surrounding that statement. But what helps me stay well and thrive directly benefits my children’s lives. Full stop.
Now pieces of my life make so much sense. And the compassion I have for my inner child, my childhood, my parents, my husband, and myself is lasting.
Like Birth, a self-identification or professional diagnosis is one part of the journey. It is a significant, life-altering experience that reshapes how we understand our past and move through our present. But living with AuDHD can feel so similar to postpartum, in a world that has forgotten to hold Mothers.
There is grief. There is relief.
There is a complete reorganisation of identity.
And there is the daily work of learning how to exist in a world that wasn’t designed with Us in mind.
I am building that world, within my home, my family, my work and my community. Slowly, messily, cycle by cycle.
Perhaps that is the invitation for all of us:
To create communities where neurodivergent mothers are not merely accommodated but deeply understood. Where our sensitivities are recognised as information and wisdom rather than weakness. Where our deep intuition, pattern recognition, creativity, empathy and fierce devotion can be fully expressed and held in the most sacred regard.
Because the gifts of AuDHD Mothers are profound.
And when we begin viewing motherhood through a more compassionate, matriarchal lens, we create space for those gifts to emerge - not despite our differences but because of them.
Samantha Feast is a certified Matrescence Coach and founder of The Magic of Matrescence. Her work explores motherhood, identity, nervous system healing, sensory experience, and maternal sovereignty through both lived experience and professional practice.
Through her writing and coaching, Samantha creates space for mothers to feel deeply seen, understood, and supported through the transformational journey of matrescence.
Follow Samantha:
Instagram: @themagicofmatrescence
Website: themagicofmatrescence.com.au
NeuroNatal shares lived experience stories to amplify neurodivergent voices in the perinatal period and create safer, more compassionate systems of care.